Bears on a Ship 2025 (Uncia Films) Review
Well you at least gotta give Eduardo Castrillo props for trying such a ambitious idea. Bears on a Ship is obviously a parody on Snakes on a Plane, even with a character in this film riffing on the famous line by shouting “I’m tired of these mother&$%& bears on this mother&$%& $^% ship!”. The film doesn’t take it self seriously and really does not have a deep narrative to it per say, as the title suggests the movie puts a bunch of stranded travelers onto a ship and then there are bears that attack people.
That being said, the opening sequence is pretty fun. Michael Fredianelli and Trent Avvrenire bring a lot of charm and fun to their characters running around a forest hunting bears despite their short screen time. This leads to our stora main characters, Dereck Crowe and Erin Nolan, who have to take a boat because every airline in the world is apparently on strike. It’s here they board the MV Aurora, a run down ship that has seen better days, to take them to where they need to be. It’s here where a meet a wide range of characters, and the bears are forgotten about for this part of the movie.
What a lovely day for a cruise among the ocean.
You do have some fun character moments and caricatures. Sherill Quinn plays a hippe who is about being vegan and letting the bears roam the forest. She has a bit where she plays a bad song on the guitar. There is a guy who smokes weed and a girl dealing a break up, etc. The movie goes for some goofy lines and gags, and there are a lot of face time calls for some reason. (I assume these are cameos from friends, but it does feel a bit strange after a bit). It’s not until we get about half way through the film till we get the see bears unleashed. How do they break out? Some guy breaks the lock because he thinks the bear will lick his balls. Like I said, it’s pretty goofy and does not take itself to seriously. I feel like there could have been more build up with the bears though.
Once the bears are out and about, that’s where everything goes wrong for the people on board. Eduardo Castrillo and crew do make ample use of a bear costume, some CGI, and bear POV vision to help sell the effect. There is actually one really creepy shot of the bear in the hallway which was cool to see and actually looked pretty creepy. However, when the bear is attacking someone, you can clearly tell it’s someone in a suit, but Benjamin Dennis knows to keep the shots tight and close so you don’t see the whole thing.
Someone has gotta take care of those bears.
The issue is the bears are not that scary, and none of the characters are that developed enough that you feel anything when they get attacked. The whole vibe of the movie kinda has this Saturday Night Live sketch feeling to it. I was attending one of the showings in San Jose and some of the lines and jokes did get some laughs. But there were times that people were on their phone or checking their watch. Despite the films short run time, the film feels a bit drawen out since the concept is kept pretty shallow. Most of the film is played for laughs, so there isn’t much to get invested in.
Bears on a Ship does have it’s charm though, it’s clear it was a passion project and Eduardo Castrillo does make some smart use of drone shots, underwater shots and other effects to help bring the cruise to life. If you need a flick that you can turn off your brain and just enjoy the camp, then Bears on a Ship is for you.
