There’s No Such Thing as Zombies (Bammeke and Haberfelner Worldwide) 2020 Review
Zombie movies are always a challenge for indie films. They may not require complex world building or unique fancy locations, but without high-quality prosthetics and extras, the hardest part is often originality. Viewers have seen "shambling corpses" many times, so modern creators must find unique emotional hooks or subversions to stand out. Directed by Eddie Bammeke and written by Michael Haberfelner, There’s No Such Thing as Zombies is a horror-comedy that struggles to justify its feature-length runtime with an interesting take on the genre. While the premise—a depression medication that reanimates its users—offers potential and has a few fun gags, the execution here feels better suited for a short film. Clocking in at 95 minutes, the central conflict involving a dense headed protagonist, her abusive husband, and a restrained zombie becomes repetitive and overextended. (That premise does have such potential though)
A zombie or late for his Black Metal Concert? You decide!
The story essentially boils down to a three-person single room drama located in an apartment with division between Carlotta and Colin, due to the former not believing Paul, Carlotta’s ex, is really a zombie, and the later knowing full well that he is. Even when Paul first shows up to Carlotta’s apartment, he is already in a full zombie state. (With white and black make-up that makes him look like he should be in a metal band instead of being zombified, that’s also only applied to his face and not his hands). I think it would have been more interesting had he showed up with a zombie bite and then over the course of the film, he slowly turns. Carlotta could have been in denial as Paul slowly turns over the course of the film, but that’s now what we get here.
As his entrance is now, Carlotta just comes across as totally oblivious and stupid for believing “Paul” is normal, which I thought there had to be more to it. The back and forth couple bickering between Carlotta and Colin wears thin fast. Seriously, if you want to play a drinking game that will get you buzzed quick, take a shot anytime Colin mentions Paul is a zombie while Carlotta just dismisses it. Even Paul as a zombie doesn’t provide any threat or tension, as he is easily restrained and pretty tame. He doesn’t get more zombified or change over the course of the film, which just adds to the stagnation. I got to give props to Rami Hilmi, who plays Paul, as he spends most of the film tied up and just biting the air. (Which couldn’t have been an easy to keep doing for every take)
When will these two agree?
There is also the "Z.I.A." (Zombie Investigation Association) subplot and a satirical news segment featuring Lynn Lowry which provides an few occasional highlights. Debra Lamb and Scott Hillier are clearly having fun with their roles as Abigail Tall and Anthony Small (great names BTW), but the script finds little to do with them. They spend most of the time, and I kid you not, standing outside the apartment door just chilling and engaging in small scene bits. What’s even more strange is they hear gun shots and such which doesn’t seem to phase them at all.
For some reason the Z.I.A have a delorean?
There’s No Such Thing as Zombies is hindered by unlikable characters and low-budget technical limitations. The humor, which leans heavily on sexual tropes, often misses the mark. (Although there are a few fun moments like when they use a watering can to get the zombie to drink wine) The minimal makeup and CGI blood effects are noticeable, and the single-room setting feels sparse and empty. Despite some creative and good sound design, the sluggish pacing makes the viewing experience a challenge. Though the TV news and Z.I.A subplot offer some much-needed wit, the film’s lackluster pacing and minimal production value make it a difficult sit. Even for hardcore fans of the genre, this one feels like a chore.
